(Spoiler: your liver would prefer you didn’t)
Let’s set the scene: it’s the late 1600s. You’re standing barefoot on the splintered deck of a leaky brigantine, skin salt-cured by the Caribbean sun, and there’s a strong likelihood you haven’t eaten a vegetable since last Michaelmas. The good news? You’ve just been handed your daily rum ration.
The bad news? It’s enough to tranquilize a horse.
Welcome to the daily drinking habits of your average 17th-century pirate. And in case you’re wondering: no, you probably couldn’t hack it.
The Pirate Pour: What Did They Actually Drink?
Contrary to Hollywood’s beloved image of pirates daintily sipping a single bottle of rum while shouting “arrrr!”—the real thing was far more… medicinal. Or at least, that was the excuse.
A typical daily ration for sailors in the Royal Navy (and copied by privateers and pirates alike) was half a pint of rum, issued neat, and consumed twice a day. That’s about 284 ml of overproof rum—or what modern bartenders would call “a bad idea in a glass.”
Later on, the Navy mixed it with water (4:1), creating grog. Pirates, however, weren’t always so refined. If you had the rum, you drank the rum. Sometimes mixed with beer, sometimes with wine, sometimes with gunpowder. No, really.
And if you were especially lucky, someone threw in some lime or sugar to fend off scurvy and improve morale. (Morale being the polite 18th-century word for blacking out while trying to knife your shipmate over a card game.)
“Drink Like a Pirate” Challenge (Don’t Try This at Home)
Just for argument’s sake, let’s break this down:
- Half a pint of rum = ~5 standard drinks
- Twice a day = 10 drinks per day
- For weeks on end = cirrhosis on a stick
Now, to truly drink like a pirate for one week, you’d need to:
- Wake up to a tot (ideally on an empty stomach)
- Have another mid-afternoon
- Continue drinking socially after dinner (pirates were big on punch—as in the cocktail, but sometimes also in the nose)
- Fight scurvy without modern medicine
- Stay upright during sea battles, mutinies, and syphilis outbreaks
Modern humans attempting this “pirate cleanse” would likely end up with:
- A swift visit to A&E
- An awkward conversation with their GP
- And a newfound respect for 17th-century liver resilience
Why They Did It (and Why You Shouldn’t)
Back then, water on ships was… well, let’s just say it was a biohazard in a barrel. Rum (and other spirits) didn’t just make life bearable—it made life survivable. In lieu of filtration systems or basic sanitation, alcohol became the default disinfectant and morale booster.
But before we romanticize it too much: pirate crews were chronically dehydrated, frequently malnourished, and often drunk during combat. This is less “Jack Sparrow charm” and more “colonial death wish in a cup.”
So could you drink like a pirate and survive?
Short answer: no.
Long answer: no, but you’d definitely post about it before passing out in a decorative fountain.
Cocktail Suggestion: The Safer Way to Grog
Instead of attempting liver-assisted time travel, try a modern take on the pirate staple: Grog Reimagined—a gently spiced blend of aged rum, fresh lime juice, a dash of sugar, and hot water. Pirate-approved, but brunch-safe.
Final Toast
Drinking like a pirate makes for a good story, but probably not a good lifestyle. Still, there’s something undeniably fun about channeling that rogue spirit—with a lot less liver damage and a lot more ice cubes.
So raise a glass, matey—but maybe just the one.
The Rumosphere 